I kid you not – this is legit.

Don’t ever offer to drive someone half way across the country in their car even if they offer to pay for your flight home. Crock of shit. I fell into the situation and next thing I knew I was stranded at a Greyhound Station in Shreveport, Louisiana. It’s the real life Gotham – I kid you not. He bought me a $150 bus ticket home to Boston. Are you fuckin’ kidding me? 48 hours in a bus full of rednecks. Fuckin’ AWESOME. I tried to sleep through it but 3 things prevented it from happening. First – 48 hours is a long time so that was impossible…second – they wake your asses up every 4 hours and make you sit in another bus station that serves nothing but Snickers and slushies. Now don’t get me wrong I love ‘em both but it gets old. Finally, we pulled into Birmingham Alabama. The only seat on the bus still open was next to me so I hoped no one was getting on. Wrong again. Go figure… On climbs a 6 ½ foot 300 pound chocolate man in a lime green prison jump suit. Wonderful. He plops down next to me, takes up his seat and half of mine, smiles through his teeth and asks to use my phone to call the county courthouse in Atlanta. What was I gonna do, say no? Absofuckinlutely not. After asking for it and giving it back twice more he leaned back and slept the rest of the ride to Atlanta. I’m thinkin’ “Thank God I’ve got an in with this guy so when he shoots up the bus I could be spared!” No sooner did this cross my mind when the driver takes a sharp right and Bubba falls sideways on top of me. I was his pillow for two long, painful, nearly breathless hours. We pull into Atlanta and Mount Vesuvius erupts out of his seat, walks off the bus and into a waiting cab. I laughed it off and went inside to sit. Just before boarding I grabbed my lemon slushie and snickers, went to pay and realized the fucker stole my wallet! I didn’t want to believe it so I fished through my bag to no avail. Fuck it. Gotta get back on the bus. Thank God it’s already paid for. I opened the door only to watch my ride disappear around a corner and onto the highway.

…ok so the wallet part didn’t happen…but the rest is 100% truth!


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